Better than Trelawney
by the Unrequited Lover
Summary: Harry & Co. like to play pretend, whether channeling (Luna), stereotyping (Draco&Hermione) or clicheing the heck out of eachother, they're having fun. Don't have to be a vampy bride to read what's Random!
1. to think this used to be a oneshot

Disclaimer: Harry Potter & Co. belong to Jo Rowling. I don't own any of them. I'm not making any money off this- if you want to sue someone, sue one of the other millions of fan fiction writers and don't pick on the new girl.

I seriously don't even think I own them. Not even Tom. Okay, so once I thought I owned Tom. But that was in a dream. Really, it was.

The idea for this story actually came to me in a dream that I was Sybil Trelawney (no more reading PoA until 2 am, you naughty girl!) and I predicted that everone's fates would be decided by the fate of the person they were most like.

Dedicated to: Alex and Jennie from Life Makes No Sense, at the moment my favorite RPG, for simply playing Peter and Remus beautifully, plus Catrin and Evadne. Oops, Ruthie too, she's the world's best Sirius! Also to Miss Meg from Marauder's Reign, right at LMNS' heels, for being so nice to me as a new person and for playing Rodolphus Lestrange perfectly.

"Yeah, whatever!" Ginny made a face and threw a handful of popcorn at him. Draco cowered as the kernels hit him.

"Oh, disgusting, Weasley," he complained, "now my neck's all buttery!"

"Mmm," said Hermione nastily, licking her lips.

Draco's eyebrow twitched. "Don't be ridiculous! As if I'd ever let a mudblood like you-"he cut off when he saw his mother standing in the doorway. "Hey, mum," he said weakly.

"I know that you love your father, but Lucius wasn't thinking about us when he ran off and joined those Death Eaters. Everything you remember him telling you is either a lie or I told him to tell you." Narcissa said firmly.

Draco quailed. "Sorry, mum."

"We're helping the Order now, Draco."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize to me!"

"Sorry, mudbl-sorry, Ms. Granger." Draco mumbled to Hermione.

"That's better. We have some other people joining us, if you don't mind. Maybe you could keep yourselves busy?" said Molly Weasely from the next room over.

"Who's coming, mum?" asked Ginny.

"Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood," answered Molly.

A good deal of people in the room groaned.

"So, what do you want to do?" Draco asked.

Ron yawned. "I don't know."

"I have an idea," said Luna. The others in the room groaned.

"What?" asked Harry warily.

Luna fixed him with her big gaze, eyes as big as dinner plates. "We could make fun of the Death Eaters by pretending to be them and their past victims."

Ron opened his mouth to protest, but Neville spoke up. "That sounds like fun."

"If not a bit harsh," added Harry. Neville blushed and nodded.

"What's the plan, Luna?" asked Ron.

She looked at him. "In some legends, when a person dies their destiny becomes embedded in a person who is very much like them. I don't believe it, but-"

"Now there's a surprise," muttered Ron.

"-but if it were true, then we'd all become a person who is like ourselves, in some way or another."

"That sounds interesting," said a voice from behind them. It was Remus Lupin. "Why don't you try it? It would give you something to do."

"Er-"Draco and Ron started.

"Okay," said Harry, "I'm all out of ideas, anyway."

"But let's not do only dead people," said Ginny, shivering. "That sounds a bit scary."

Hermione nodded.

"Okay, so, who's who?" Remus asked.

Harry grinned. "I'm channeling my dad, James Potter. Therefore, I will marry whoever channels Lily Evans, have a kid, and die, and leave the poor kid with my cousin Dudley. Ron, your turn."

"Right," replied Ron. "I'm Harry's best mate, so I'm channeling Sirius Black. I, er...spend a few years in Azkaban and then get killed by my cousin- wait, I don't have one- okay, well, I get killed by a close female relative." He cleared his throat and looked at Draco.

"Well, this is where it gets confusing," Draco admitted. "I'm channeling my dad, so I marry whoever is my mum, and I become a loyal Death Eater. But because I hate Potter, I'm also channeling Snape, who joins the Death Eaters but doesn't stay!" Draco looked furious. "What am I supposed to do?!"

"You had better quit," came Narcissa's voice warningly from the kitchen.

Draco cowered. "Your turn, Longbottom."

"Oh. I'm my dad, so Ron's close female relative tortures my wife and myself into insanity. But it was also decided that I was Peter Pettigrew, so, even if I'm insane, I'm a traitor?" Neville looked rather depressed. "I can't believe that I'm evil."

Ginny snorted importantly.

"Guess who I am?" Luna asked Lupin. "Because my name has four letters, starts with L, and follows the pattern 'consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel', I'm Lily Evans, so I marry Harry, have a kid, then die. I'm also Alice Longbottom, so I also marry Neville, have a kid, then go insane. But because I'm blonde, they thought I should be Narcissa Malfoy, so I have to marry Draco and have a kid, but stay sane and alive. Hey, wait," she protested, "I'm married three times! That's not legal!"

"Most of what I do isn't legal," offered Ginny.

"But I have three kids, by different fathers."

"So?"

"And they're all the same age! Not to mention, listen to this: Because I'm lily and Alice, I die and then I am tortured into insanity by Ron's close female relative. But as Narcissa, I'm alive the whole time!"

Remus chuckled.

"And I thought I had it bad," commented Draco.

"I don't," said Hermione, grinning.

"I have it the worst!" complained Ginny.

"Who are you?" asked Remus.

"I'm Ron's close female relative," she retorted. "That means I'm Bellatrix Lestrange...so, I kill Ron, and torture Neville and Luna. I'm a loyal Death Eater. But because I'm Ron's only little sibling, I'm also Regulus Black. Therefore, I join the Death Eaters but then later die because I'm a coward. So, am I in the Death Eaters and criminally insane, or am I out and dead?"

"That's not that much worse than mine," sulked Draco.

"Hey, you're my sister!" cried Luna.

"Yeah, I know," Ginny said.

"Well, then how come you torture me!?" Luna demanded.

"Er...anyway, moving on," Ginny said hastily. Lupin laughed. "Because I opened the Chamber of Secrets- aren't I evil?!- I'm also Tom Riddle, aka, Voldemort. Thus, I rule the Death Eaters! And I kill Harry and Luna."

"You already tortured me. Some sister you are."

"I kill practically everybody! I am so twisted!" Ginny giggled.

"You need to work on your insane laughter," Draco said, looking at her strangely.

"It's not fair, everybody I channel is evil," groaned Ginny.

"You have red hair, you could do Lily and marry Harry," offered Luna.

Ginny looked shocked. "But I'm Voldemort!" She explained, "I can't kill myself!"

"Who are you, Hermione?" Lupin asked.

"I'm you. That means all I have to do is...be a werewolf." Hermione looked perplexed and the others started to laugh.

"Hey, Lupin, will you bite me next full moon?" Hermione asked, batting her eyelashes.

Snape had walked in and he raised an eyebrow.

"What's going on in here?" he asked.

"I'm mentally sick and I have a very warped mind! Get out of my way or I'll kill you all!" Ginny yelled, and the room fell into a heap of laughter.

Snape turned to Lupin. "Did I miss something?"

"Don't ask," laughed Lupin.

Don't laugh. I thought it was funny. No, I think it's hysterical. Not everything I write is this crazy, you know.


	2. Sincerity is NOT Lupin's exgirlfriend

Disclaimer: I am not the owner of Harry potter...unless you did something amazing magic-wise and then encountered Gilderoy Lockhart, I see no reason to believe that you don't know who does. Really. Oh, Sharpies aren't mine, either...

_A/n: wow...I got a LOT of reviews for this one. I was despairing because I hadn't planned on writing more (how, indeed, was I supposed to?!) but people seemed to think it was funny, and I thought it was funny, too...so I guess I'll just do a lot of random stuff now. I suck at humor, but okay, here goes..._

_And thanks to all the wonderful people who reviewed:_

_SamanthaRiddle12: I know I didn't get what you said, but I'm glad you reviewed, and that you quoted_

_Monikka DaLuver: everyone go read her stuff!! Oh, and hi..quotes: voldie rox you are SO right, girl, you are SO right..._

_swordsrock: I think wandsrock would be more appropriate. .just teasing. Glad you thought it was so funny._

_Charm12: there will be more, okay....wow, what a shocker, somebody wanted it to continue._

_And non-writer German girl: erbsenpuree, with an umlauted "u"(the dots on top, non-Germanic people) I'm glad you liked it, too...I love Germanic languages! My big one is Icelandic, but oh well...you rock!_

Grr, that was long.... Anything for you guys, no, I'm not gay....that sounded wrong...

"Erm, Hermione, what are you doing?" Remus asked tentatively.

She looked up from the sock. "I'm drawing." She replied, then went back to her work. Lupin frowned. He had expected a better answer.

"Oh, no," Hermione cried in dismay. "Hey!" she shrieked up the staircase to the boys. "Which one of you took my Sharpie markers?!"

Ginny walked into the room, arms laden with socks. "I don't think they can hear you," she said with a smile.

Hermione snorted.

"I'll go get the Sharpies," Luna offered. I'm married to everyone up there besides Ron, remember? Somebody will give them to me."

Ginny giggled. "Okay, sounds foolproof."

"I never do anything foolish," replied Luna dreamily, then waltzed upstairs as though faintly surprised at where she was. Lupin (a/n: I love Lupin! He is mine! No touchy!) stared after her for a moment, confused.

"I have to go," Ginny said. "I'm on scenery."

Hermione nodded, then looked up at Lupin.

"Hey, Lupin..." she began, when Ginny was out of earshot.

Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was sitting a little bit too close to her on the sofa and he wondered about his sanity...

"About what I said." She continued. "When I asked you-"

"Oh, I'm sorry, was I interrupting something?" Snape interrupted, walking into the room.

"Yes," Hermione snapped impatiently; Snapes's eyebrows shot up and Lupin paled.

"Then I'll leave." He exited.

"You'd better!" Hermione yelled after him.

There was a nasty silence.

"Hermione," Lupin said finally, "he didn't mean interrupt the conversation."

"Well, what did he mean?" Hermione asked. "There was nothing else to inter-oh."

She blushed furiously.

"Don't worry," Lupin assured her, "Sincerity Inkwell's not pairing us up."

"How do you know that?" I gawked.

"Because you love me, remember? I'm yours and all that?"

"Nu-uh. You belong to Joanne Rowling."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean that sort of own. And you do love me, you know."

I blushed like Hermione. Damn him, he's got that effect on women. "What makes you think that?" I demand.

"Remember the author's note?"

I played dumb. "What author's note?"

"'I love Lupin! He is mine! No touchy!'" he quoted.

"You're mean," I whined and POP! Disapparated, pouting.

"Er, who was that?" Hermione asked. "Old girlfriend?"

"No comment," Lupin said firmly.

"Okay," Hermione said, shrugging. "About what I asked you, if you'd bite me, I wasn't serious."

"I hope not."

"Not even remotely."

Lupin winked. "Are you sure? You do find me sort of handsome."

"No, I don't. Not in Jk's world."

"Well, you do have a sort of crush on me in Sincerity's world, which is a messed up place, anyway. You told Luna and Ginny how much you liked me yesterday."

Hermione's ears got red. "How did you know?"

"Sincerity told me."

I smacked my head against the monitor repeatedly.

"Remus, you dickhead," I yelled.

"You can't keep cussing at me," Lupin laughed. "You'll have to change the rating."

"To what? PG?"

"Yeah."

"I don't like PG."

"Then have some people snog randomly so that it's PG-13," suggested Hermione.

I thought about it. "Maybe in a few chapters. Thanks, Hermione! Points to Gryffindor!"

Hermione beamed, then went back to her sock.

"Oh, no! I still don't have those damn Sharpies!" She cried, then dashed upstairs. I rounded on Lupin.

"You're being very naughty. I just had to make a random appearance because of you, plus I have to change the rating."

"Only to PG," he argued, sticking out his lower lip.

"You bastard, I hate PG!"

"And besides," said Remus, standing and taking me by the shoulders, "the point of this whole story is to be random. Your appearance is funny."

I squinted up at him. "Is that an insult?"

"No. Now, go have somebody snog and get the damn rating changed."

I was shocked. "You're not supposed to cuss!" I shriek.

"Why the hell not? I'm a guy; guys like cussing."

I pouted, sulking again. "You're making me sad."

"Sorry."

There was a silent period.

"Still love me?"

I grinned, and kissed him on the cheek. "Yes."

"Good. Now leave. I'm too old for you."

"Not in the Marauders Era."

"Is that your next victim? Are my school days the next thing you slaughter?"

"Are you insulting the way I write fan fiction?"

Lupin looked wide-eyed and innocent. "Of course not."

"Good,' I said, and POP! Disapparated again.

Hermione walked into the room. "Encounter with the author?"

Lupin nodded, then said, "Sincerity, if you keep referring to me as 'Lupin' in this narrative, I will cuss Severus out."

I kicked my computer in protest, then howled in pain and limped around the room, glad he can't see me.

Snape walked into the room. "Ginny has something to tell Ms. Inkwell."

I stuck my tongue out at the screen. They had better not be able to see me.

Snape flipped me off. Aw, shitake mushrooms.

"Hey!" I shouted. "You're British! You don't flip people off!"

Snape grinned evilly. "You aren't British. You don't have anything else for me to do."

I fumed. "THAT'S IT, PEOPLE!! I'M ABOUT TO PULL A LOCKHART!"

Ginny ran down the stairs. "Ms. Inkwell?"

I turned to look at her. "Yeah, what?"

"I was just wondering...is this the last chapter? Cos you seem mad at everyone."

I smiled and shook my head. "Nah, it isn't," I said, "I have an idea- actually, a lot of ideas- but I think I'm too tired to do it in this chapter."

"What are we going to call this chapter?" asked Harry and Ron simultaneously, coming down the stairs with Neville, Draco and Luna. Hermione drifted in as well.

"I don't know," I admitted.

"How about 'A random guest'?" proposed Remus. I shot him a warning look. "I am very mad at you still. You are not allowed to cuss or say the word random anymore. At least, not I this chapter."

Neville looked confused, and so did Ron. "Who is she?" Ron asked. "Ex-girlfriend?"

"No comment," said Remus firmly.

"I have a chapter name idea!" piped up Neville.

"Okay," I said, encouraging. That boy has no self-esteem.

"How about 'Sincerity Inkwell is not Lupin's ex-girlfriend'?" he said.

"Ooh, I like that one!" I said. Remus snorted. I stuck out my tongue at him.

"Bite me!" I said.

"Oh, look," sneered Draco. "Another werewolf wannabe."

"My thoughts exactly," smirked Snape.

Hermione blushed and I scowled. "I'm the author, in case you didn't notice," I said coolly. "I could do anything I wanted to you."

"Like what?"

"I could write....Draco and Snape slash! I can just see the summary now: 'Draco knows how he feels about his Potions master...but he's never had the courage to act upon it. When Snape gives him detention one night, he get's his chance to make miracles happen.'"

Draco and Snape look horrified while Ron and Harry just guffaw.

"You sound like Rita Skeeter." Pointed out Hermione/

"Watch it, Granger, or I just might make that a threesome," I warned.

"You wouldn't dare!" she cried. "It would mess up the pure Slytherin impurity!"

"WATCH ME!" I retorted. Seeing her face, I added: "Muahahahahaha!"

"Wow, you have a really good evil laugh," said Ginny enviously. "Can I try? I'm channeling Voldie, Regulus and Bella, so I need one for the next chapter."

"'S all yours, it's not patented," I said with a shrug. Ginny grinned.

"So, it's settled?" asked Neville. "We end this chapter and you start the next one?"

"Yep," I say cheerfully.

"But no slash," insisted Hermione.

"Of course not," I laugh. She's relieved, and everybody laughs.

"Anything anybody wants to say before I end the chapter?" I offer generously.

"Tom Riddle's a jackass!" Ginny screams. "Oh, and did I mention that I'm mentally sick and twisted?!"

"Mentally sick and warped," I remind her.

"I thought it was twisted," she says, fairly confused.

"Nope."

"Can we be done yet?" asked a weary Remus Lupin.

"Fine!" I snapped, and POP! Disapparated.

Thus ends this chapter....


	3. Sincerity is Remus' exgirlfriend?

_Disclaimer: for the last friggin' time, people, I do not own Harry Potter!! sorry to all of you who are actually enjoying my stuff...this is probably the WORST chapter. I'm getting better, don't turn away in disgust...does anybody actually read Disclaimers? I mean, besides the lonely, anti-social, bloodsucking lawyers who just want to ruin the lives of innocent fanfiction writers..._

_Ah, most gracious of you all to have visited my humble abode...and I hoped you liked that last chapter, is it ever crazy! This one's not much better, sorry...it's got the mad author in it. Five points to...what ever the hell house you're in...if you can guess what house I'm in._

Lupin inspected his pensieve while the kids worked on their socks and sharpies. I gazed at him longingly, wishing that I could be with him. When he put the pensive away, I snapped my fingers and screamed, "Yes! I'm Sincerity Inkwell! I can do whatever I want, and I could use a little wish fulfillment!"

Being as brilliant as I am, I Apparated into the room next to his room, then walked into his room while transforming into a tall adult woman..the adult version of myself.

Lupin looked up to see me and fell out of his chair in surprise.

"Sincerity?" he gasped.

I smiled brightly, conjured up a chair and sat beside him. He climbed back into his seat, his jaw dropped. I do believe his mouth's open so that he can gape at my powers as a fan fiction writer, but I'd prefer to think he's stunned at my cough beauty.

"You know me from somewhere," I tease, hitting him playfully.

"Yes, last chapter," he replies.

"And...?"

"And my pensieve- does this mean you aren't mad at me anymore?"

I smiled again. "Sure does, sugar quill."

He raised an eyebrow, then asked, "So, when did you decide to start adding new memories to my past?"

I frowned. the conversation wasn't going as planned. "Don't tell me you didn't like snogging me that often!"

"I rather enjoyed it-"(author's wish fulfillment!)"-but don't tell me it's not Mary Sue-ish."

I stuck out my tongue. "I resent that. And besides, this is completely random. It's supposed to be humour!"

"Do you even know the meaning of the word?"

"You're cruel."

"What are you here for?" he asked with a sigh.

"Pardon?" I asked innocently.

"You waltz in about two decades older than you are and start talking to me about how you went back in time and snogged me, and you're saying you don't have an ulterior motive?"

"One;" I begin, my temper rising, "this is a random fic. No plot. Got that? And two; I can find a motive of you really want me to."

"You are quite eager to kiss me, aren't you?"

"You're an arrogant berk, Remus."

"I'll take that as a yes." He looked highly amused.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" I snapped.

"No," he replied, and I fumed silently until he asked, "Are you really surprised that we're arguing so much?"

"Yes," I mutter, sulking, because I am a very spoiled author.

"It's because you're my ex-girlfriend," he exclaimed. "If you hadn't screwed with time, we would never have dated, because frankly, you're too young for me."

"You have somewhere else to be," I said crossly.

"I don't."

I snapped my fingers. "Now you do. Go make sure no one's killing themselves with the socks."

Remus stood up and sighed. I stood too, and he said, "Good point. I should check up on them all. I really hope they aren't sniffing those sharpies...intoxication really isn't worth it."

"You do that," I said miserably.

He turned back to me, and tilted my face up towards his.

"You really shouldn't mope all the time, you know," he said, and he kissed me.

Then he left.

I stood there, staring at the closed door for a while until I managed to overcome my surprise and POP! I Disapparated.

"Well, Sincerity," I said to myself, "I hope you've learned your lesson about messing with memories.":

There was a POP! as someone Apparated into my house.

"Is that lesson, by any chance, do it more often?"

I turned around and saw my loyal reviewer, Monikka DaLuver. (a/n: sorry! hope you don't get mad!)

"What do you want?" I asked her, irritated.

She winked and threw herself on my couch comfortably, rearranging my throw pillows. I didn't mind so much, as it's Monikka.

"So, how'd the wish fulfillment go?"

"How'd you know about that?"

She pointed to the screen and I followed her finger. "and saw my loyal reviewer, Monikka DaLuver." She quoted. "See, I'm a loyal reviewer. I read it."

"It hasn't been published yet."

She tapped her head. "I'm just really smart."

I shook my head at her.

"Still mad that Remus didn't snog you back there?" she asked, smiling.

"Actually...no. then I'd have to type a lot of sick stuff."

"How do you know it'd be sick?"

I wrinkled my nose at her. "Snogging, duh. he's also older than I am. Plus, no one wants to read about adults snog anyway."

"You never know. That's not too bad, actually."

"Okay. well, thanks for reviewing. I appreciate it."

"No problem. And I know you appreciate it, otherwise you'd make me a total toad in this chapter. You put me in because you like me."

"Great, well, leave. I'm wallowing in misery."

"Sure." She got up and straightened my throw pillows. "Oh, Voldie rox!" She shouted, then POP! Disapparated.

"I'd better type up that story about the pensive or somebody's gonna hate me. I really should also type up the next chapter of this story, too. I know what it is, anyway."

I groaned and looked at the clock. "I'm enslaved to this stupid computer!" I shouted.

And then, to add to my list of stupid things I did today, I kicked my monitor again and proceeded to hop around on one foot, wailing in agony.

_Sorry to those other avid Remus lovers. I'm not stealing him, I swear! Besides, it backfired on me. So no more yelling at me! I knew I'd get people insisting that he belonged to them...actually, Tom Riddle is my TRUE love. So I'm not stealing the werewolf, ladies. Honest. And don't worry, I'm going back to complete randmo-ness with not nearly so much crazy romance in it in the next chapter, which is coming soon...hopefully tomorrow. _


	4. Snogging, and it's not Remus and I

Disclaimer: I'm not the owner of Harry Potter, but I am the owner of the Fay Dynasty. So if that story gets published before I get the chance to, I'll be like, "WTF??!!!"

_A/n: wow...what is the matter with you people?? I can't believe that so many people like my incredibly insane story, but nobody's reading my serious ones! Shame!!_

_Thanks to (and sorry I didn't do this last chapter, oops):_

_MemoryLane: Don't worry, I'll get you. I promise._

_Ginnybaby: can't wait for the Lupin fic! Let me know where I can find it! And I'll see if there's room for you, somewhere..._

_Atrus Valentein: you're a nut... oh well..._

_Jennie: YAY! Let's hear it for Evadne and Lil' Petie! I'm sooo glad you read it! And maybe I'll get you together with Sirius sometime...in the Marauder's era, naturally._

_Ptrst: will do, and I looove purple jellybeans._

_Monikka: don't mind if you keep popping up, do you? Hopefully not._

_Charm12: I'm lazy too.... so if anyone sees a review from __. Ha, that's me being really idle. Glad you keep reviewing. See, Lunar & Moony04? Somebody else agrees, he's mine! Yay! And look out, Lily! heehee_

_Zuvalupa: You're awfully loyal too...I'm probably gonna stick you in next. When I can think of what to do with you._

_IloveMoony04: gasp, I knew somebody was going to do that, yell at me. But since you so strongly expressed an opinion (or fact, don't hex me!!), I give you plenty of points._

_Lunar Blade: Watch out, IloveMoony04. Lunar Blade's in town. Catfight! Okay, maybe not._

_Swordsrock: Swords really do rock. And so do you! Thanks!_

_SlytherinRulesDracoIsMyGu: see, here comes the chapter. I'm a loyal author, enslaved to ...and my reviewers. Bah!_

_Angela Caldwell: I don't know why you want this to keep going. It's the weirdest thing I've ever written. Oh, well._

_Jasmine: don't you just hate them little suckers?_

_Banana Princess: Yeah, it's pretty out there, isn't it? Sorry..._

_Pencil And Pen: I'm not neglecting you...I'm getting there, sorry.._

_And that took up about the entire page! Phew! Hey, nobody guessed what house I'm in! teehee...maybe Monikka knows...._

"And here's the show!" announced Draco, bearing his sock puppets. (a/n: what did you think the socks and sharpies were for? They're putting their channeling into action!)

"Oh, no," cried Luna in dismay. Her voice came out muffled from behind the little stage.

"What's wrong?" asked Lupin. He and Snape and a few other members of the Order were in the audience, which was very small. (a/n: I call him Lupin cos...well, cos I'm used to him being called by his surname in the books.)

"I've got three puppets but only two hands!" came her muted voice.

Snape shook his head in disgrace. "This is pathetic."

"I think it's funny," said an indignant Tonks.

"That's because you're not in it," countered Snape murderously.

"And our show shall be opened by...Ginny Weasley!"

Pop!

"Wait!" came the voice of the author. Everyone groaned.

"What now?" asked Harry, poking his head out from behind the stage.

"Some of the readers want to join us, and I want to watch, too," I cried.

"You can watch anyway." Snape sneered.

"Are you trying to kick me out?" I asked, suspicious, squinting at him.

"No!" Ron said hastily.

"Good." I said, folding my arms.

Then I snapped my fingers. In the room appeared Memory, age 15, Atrus Valentein, who was looking very confused about his new surroundings, and Monikka DaLuver- again you should know her from the last chapter.

"Who are you guys?" asked Ginny, bewildered.

"Just people," I said absent-mindedly, conjuring up chairs for them. They all seated.

"Welcome to our play," Ginny began, but was cut off.

"Wait!" came the voice of Luna Lovegood.

"What now?" asked Harry, poking his head out again, but this time banging it on a piece of wood. "Ow!" he yelled, rubbing his head.

"I still only have two hands!" Luna wailed.

"I'll help!" said Atrus. "Would you like the assistance of my right or left hand?"

"Um....." Luna said, thinking hard, her pale blue eyes staring fixedly at his hands.

"The right one," she said finally, and Atrus sneaked behind the stage with Luna.

"What do they plan on doing back there?" asked Neville.

"Snog," said I.

"Really? How do you know?" asked Hermione, in the audience because Lupin didn't really do anything in the story.

"I'm the all-knowing author," I said, by way of an explanation.

"Okay," said an exasperated Ginny Weasely. "Can we start now?"

"Yeah, erm, okay, sure," said I with a shrug. Then I Disapparated.

Ginny cleared her throat. "Welcome to out Sock puppet show-"

"Sock puppets? Nobody told me you were doing sock puppets!" I gasped as I popped back into my fanfiction.

"You're not supposed to be here," said Remus casually. I stuck out my tongue.

"So much for all-knowing," smirked Snape.

I glared at him, and opened my mouth to cuss him out, but then the little wand in my head went "Lumos!" and I instead said in a singsong voice:

"Draco knows just how he feels about his Potions master," I quoted maliciously, "but he's never had the-"

"Okay, okay, I get the point," Snape said hurriedly, paling.

"Anyway, guys, I can fix this so that some of you can use marionettes! After all, my new obsession is with marionettes." I declared.

"And how are you going to do that?" asked Ginny.

"Simple, really. The stage is too small for all of you, so some of you have to use marionettes, anyway." I said, shrugging modestly, although modest is not my thing.

"You're the author. Why don't you just make the stage bigger?" suggested Snape evilly.

I smiled at him, even more evilly, and continued: "But he's never had the courage to act upon it. When Snape gives him detention one night-"

"Okay, okay, stop it," pleaded Snape angrily. "I really wish you liked me better."

"How much better?" I asked him wickedly. I love being mean to this guy, just because he's so rude to Harry. "Maybe I should write a chapter with you concerning a Pensive, too, right, Remus?"

Remus winced. "Stop that, Sincerity, that's personal," he insisted. Everyone's heads swiveled towards him.

"What?" asked Harry, peeking out.

"Nothing," replied Remus, coloring. Even though it was a memory that I really should write a story for today that we're referring to, it's still embarrassing him.

"What?" asked Ron.

Fortunately, Remus was saved from answering when Memory squealed, "Oh! Ron Weasley, yummy!"

Ron stared at her in horror. "What?"

Memory blushed. "Oh, nothing! Hey, I thought Sincerity wasn't mean to her reviewers!"

"Hey, I'm trying to be nice!" I cried.

"Yeah, well, okay, be a bit nicer."

"What are you guys babbling about?" said Draco, peeping out, as he was getting really bored.

Memory shrieked, "Oh! Draco Malfoy, yummy!"

Ron looked outraged. "Hey! You're supposed to like me!"

"Oh, why do you care?" asked Hermione shrewdly.

"No reason," mumbled Ron. "Fine, Draco, have her, then," he said sullenly, but Draco wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention.

"Who are you?" he asked Monikka.

"I'm, er, Monikka. From last chapter." She told him, startled.

"Oh," said Draco, staring at her.

"Er, Draco, what's up with you?" asked Ginny, waving a hand in front of Draco's face.

"He must be mesmerized by Monikka's dazzling beauty," whispered Tonks, trying to not laugh.

Memory turned around to look at Monikka, hurt.

Monikka shrugged at her. "You still have Ron!" she shouted.

"Oh, yeah!" She got up and walked over to Ron.

"Hey, wanna go snog somewhere?" she asked him.

"Yeah, sure!" exclaimed Ron, so they got up and went off into another room, hand in hand.

Harry was furious. "Now what?"

"I know!" Hermione yelled.

"Yeah, really, we don't have a Sirius for me to kill," wailed Ginny.

"Not that!" they both shrieked.

"Then, what?" asked Monikka, who was both freaked out and flattered by Draco staring at her.

"The series is about me! How come nobody ever falls madly in love with me, then?" Harry fumed.

"And why does Ron like Sincerity's reviewers better than me?" fussed Hermione. We all stared at her.

"Not as thought I care," she added quickly.

"Uh huh, sure," said Lupin, a knowing smile on his face. Harry grinned at her as she blushed bright red.

Tonks collapsed into laughter.

"That is so first chapter, Tonks," muttered Ginny.

"Hey, Monikka?" called Draco.

"Erm- okay, what?"

"Would you like to go snog?"

"Yeah, I guess," she said slowly.

"Why do you like Draco so much?" asked Ginny.

"Well, that's simple," Monikka, explained, "Voldie's just WAY too old for me."

Ginny's eyes got really wide. "You like that scum, Riddle?" she asked.

"Doesn't everybody?"

Harry held his breath.

"Oh, no, here goes," murmured Hermione.

"WHAT?? WHAT THE F%# DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?! HOW COULD ANYONE LOVE TOM RIDDLE? THAT LTYING BASTARD! THAT USELESS PIECE OF SHITE!!!!!" Ginny blared like a radio at that pool part y my friend had last week in which I was drenched with water while trying to stay dry and read. She just kept on going and going and going....

I could feel my eardrums bursting, and my eyes glaze over, so I snapped my fingers again and the door on our left opened and two men in white came in and began to haul Ginny out form the same door. They dragged her out, still screaming, until she couldn't be heard anymore and he door closed.

I sighed and shook my head, then walked up to the door on our right and opened it, and in stepped Ginny, looking confused.

"Sorry, Gin," I said apologetically, shutting the door, which vanished the instant it was closed. "I just happen to like Tom."

"How'd you do that?" asked Neville, breathless.

"I'm the author!" I said, rolling my eyes in exasperation. "I can do whatever I want!"

"Oh," said Draco, losing interest. He turned to Monikka. "So, how about that snogging?"

"Coming, love."

They dashed out, and Harry glared after them.

The room fell silent.

"What's wrong?" asked Lupin cheerfully. "Sincerity's not entirely done with us, you know."

"I never get to snog anybody!" shouted Harry.

"Oh, I'll probably get a reviewer asking for you soon enough," I assured him. He brightened up considerably at that.

"Yeah, but I won't," said Neville, mournfully. "Nobody ever wants to snog me."

"It's okay, Neville," I tried to cheer him up, but it didn't work.

"Wow, everyone's in a really bad mood this chapter," observed Lupin.

"Don't worry, next chapter things will magically go back to normal," Hermione guaranteed him.

"How do you know?" asked Tonks.

"Because, we still haven't seen that damn puppet show."

"Good point."

So I pop! Disapparated back here, dear reader, leaving them to wallow. Don't worry. Puppet show coming. With marionettes. And don't worry, no slash.

Don't forget to tell me your house in a review (if you're writing one) if you're guessing what house I'm in. If you'd like to snog somebody or make a guest appearance, ring me up! Just tell me, I'll try to fit you in. And ladies, Harry's really bored. So's Neville.

_Hope you're happy. I'll start the next chapter soon. The show was supposed to be in this chapter, but hey, I ran out of time- and this chapter got really long! I have other stuff to write, too!_


	5. The puppet show, and with marionettes

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I own a copy of the books, though... hey, if I owned Harry Potter, I'd be making random appearances all the time and nobody would buy the books! Okay, so I wouldn't make any random appearances. None at all, actually, random or not-random.... I think I'm running out of disclaimer ideas._

_AllAroundGold: that's what the show's for, my friend!_

_Dedicated to: all the people who appreciated the first chapter for what it was: the story version of a really messed-up dream I had. Channeling is back, people!_

"Welcome to our puppet show," said Ginny Weasely, although you couldn't see her from behind the stage, as the lights grew dim all around, courtesy Hermione Granger's wand.

"It's based on who we're all, erm, channeling, and so we're sort of acting it all out- only, with puppets, not ourselves, cos that would be really hard to do, I mean, some of us- actually, most of us, are doing more than one person. Okay, and I'm rambling. But it starts when Tom Riddle was in school..."

And Ginny pulled out her marionette of Tom Riddle.

Tom Riddle: "I'm the heir of Slytherin! Blah, blah, blah, I think I'll attack some innocent muggles today, just because I'm a wanker!"

"Ginny!" Ron yelled from behind the stage.

"Well, he is." She retorted.

"You can't say that word!"

"Why not? You say it!" she replied.

"Yeah, but-"

"Would you two shut up? I'd like to finish, if you don't mind!" snapped Draco.

"So anyway," continued Ginny, her marionette prancing around the stage, "Tom Riddle decided to become the most evil wizard ever by becoming- you guessed it- really ugly."

Hermione, the technical one, transfigured the Tom Riddle marionette into a Lord Voldemort marionette.

"And then, really looking like Lord Voldemort, he started this group called the Death Eaters, which was full of really bad wizards- either bad as in evil, or bad as in just not very good at magic, well, either way they wanted to hurt people, so that's what they did."

Down from the top of the stage came Bellatrix the marionette.

Bellatrix hovered for a little while as some whispering went on, then the strings became untangled and she flopped down behind the stage onto something.

"Hey!" came Neville's voice. "My head!"

"Sorry, Neville," whispered Ginny, who pulled Bellatrix back up.

Then Lucius-puppet, Snape-puppet, and Regulus-puppet popped up- Regulus being held by Ron. As Lucy and Snapey are channeled by Draco, Ron and Draco- worst enemies- were sitting together, trying to cooperate.

This may be a minor problem later on. (hint, hint!)

"Regulus," Ginny continued, "who, by the way, is Sirius Black's little brother-"

"Yo!" cried Ron, Regulus-puppet trembling.

"Weasely," said Draco sternly from behind the stage, "if you can't put a sock in it-"

Harry sniggered from his invisible point backstage.

"Shut up, Potter, I didn't mean it! And you just calm down, Weasely, or I'll-"

"You'll what, Malfoy, shove your daddy down my throat?"

The audience, who was faintly amused, could hear Harry trying to stop himself from roaring with laughter.

"Break it up, you two, we're in the middle of something here!" whispered Hermione, bristling with anger.

"AHEM!" said Ginny loudly. "Regulus decides, 'Hey, you know, I'm a chicken', and quits the Death eaters. So, somebody puts him out."

"Oh, can I?" asked Draco eagerly.

"Sure," said Ginny.

Both of Draco's puppets curl into fists and Draco starts whomping- erm, not Regulus-puppet.

"Get the hell off me, Malfoy!" snarls Ron.

"Go, Draco!" cried Monikka from the audience.

"Yeah, go Draco!" echoes Memory. "Oh, no, wait- go, Ron!"

Monikka glares at her, and she shrugs, looking hurt again.

"Oh, forget it!" Hermione yells, and stomps out from backstage to crawl under the stage and shove the boys apart. Meanwhile, Harry is laughing so hard he thinks he'll wet himself. All the audience sees is a quivering heap of bushy hair sticking our very slightly, and hears Hermione, "Calm down, or we're getting someone else to play these guys!"

Then Hermione crawls out, muttering darkly under her breath.

"Okay, so, then ...oh yeah! Draco!" Ginny say, and suddenly her foot swings out of nowhere (actually, from above, because Ginny's doing marionettes) and taps what I'm going to assume is Draco's head.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm on it," he growls, and Snape-puppet pops up again. The audience giggles- after the shuffle with Ron, the puppet's left eye is missing.

"Snape gets a conscience, and decides to quit and join the Order. But remembering what happened to Regulus-shut up, Potter!"

Harry ahs just started laughing again from backstage.

"This is some play," Lupin whispered to Tonks, who nodded with a big ole smile on her face.

""Anyway, he pretends to stay a Death Eater so that he can spy for the Order."

Snape-puppet runs around in circles for a while.

"Hey, what's next?" asks Draco, voice muffled.

"Let's go over who's married," suggested Ron.

"Good idea, Ron," Harry says, and crawls behind the stage with James-puppet.

"Right, er, hold on," whispers Ginny. "Oy- Luna! Atrus!"

"Huh-what?" asks Atrus, from somewhere backstage. Luna giggles.

The audience rolls their eyes.

"All the married girls?"

"Right!"

Luna and Atrus clamber up a ladder to sit with Ginny.

A pair of legs with stockings up to the knee appears in view, from where the marionettes come down. One of the stockings has been pushed down and is now bunched up around the ankle.

"Luna!" Hermione hissed.

"Yes, Hermione?"

"Your legs!" finished Ron.

"Oh, right," she said in a sot of dreamy voice, and the legs disappeared.

Tonks let out a howl of laughter.

Ron crawled out from behind the stage so that Neville could get in.

"Maybe we should have practiced more, eh?" Ron whispered to Harry after heading backstage.

"Okay, so...Alice is married to Frank, and Lily's married to James, and Narcissa is married to Lucius. Is that it?" asked Atrus, impatient. He had other cough things to cough do cough. (a/n: I love this guy almost as much as I love Kael Tier from Marauder's Reign!!)

"Now, everybody but Lily and James leave!" Ginny demanded. "We have to finish this damn chapter!"

"Ah, but-"Atrus began. (he's holding up Narcissa.)

"Do it, or I'll start ranting about that scum Riddle again!"

"Ahem, Ginny, please don't do that, you'll lure the author back in again!" Lupin begged. Ohhh.....I have so much I'd like to say to that.......

"Yeah, okay," Ginny sighed.

All the puppets left, besides James-puppet and Lily-marionette.

Lily turned to James. "Where are we?"

"I dunno. Godric's Hollow, maybe?"

"Oh, I guess that makes sense."

"You've never made sense in your life, Luna, how would you kno-"

"For your information, Harry, the author thinks I make a lot of sense. And so does Atrus. We're trying to get Sincerity to do a chapter on Sporks."

"......?"

"You heard me!"

"Hey, you two," called Lupin, "Are you trying to get Sincerity back here?!"

There was silence. Then Atrus said slyly, "Why do you care?"

"Don't be impertinent," snapped Lupin.

"Well, you really hate that Sincerity," said Hermione reasonably.

"Finish the damn show already!"

"If you keep cussing, Lupin, she's really going to come back, you know she doesn't like it when you cuss."

Words flare across the wall in twisty green letters, courtesy livid author:

_Shut your damn mouth. I'm getting really sick of it. You should save it for better uses._

Harry and Ron whooped,

_You two watch it, too. You're prime candidates for slash._

They stopped.

_And if you think for one minute that I'm going to let you disappoint everybody and not finish the show, you're sadly mistaken. So just finish the damn show already._

"That's exactly what I said," protested Lupin.

_Don't make me Apparate in there!_

"Why not? You've done it every chapter so far!" sneered Snape.

_Have not!_

"Almost," he shouted back.

_Leave me alone! I have revenge in mind even worse than slash!_

"Oh, yeah?" opposed Snape. "What's that?"

_I get a lot of requests; you know...well, my mother requested that you fall in love with her._

"You wouldn't!" he cried, his face contorted in fury.

_I would. And she plans to make you wash your hair. I can see the title now: The Grooming of Snape. A summary: When Severus Snape is introduced to the sexy Tupperware goddess, Christel, he decides to do anything to win her over- even if it means changing his underwear._

There was a stunned silence. Hermione whispered something about Rita Skeeter.

"Really?" asked Lupin.

_Would I lie about something like that? She even requested the words "sexy Tupperware goddess"!_

"Erm-okay. How old's your mom?" asked Snape.

_Hey, you're already on thin ice with me. Now, just make sure everybody finishes the show, and I'll be pleased._

And then the words disappeared. Lupin turned back to the stage.

"Just finish the, ah, well, you know." He said wearily.

"She's really got you whipped, Lupin," whispered Snape.

"She's not my girlfriend!!" yelled a rather furious Lupin.

"Er, hello, are you guys listening?" Ginny asked. "We're finishing the damn show!"

"Oh, yeah, right!" said Lupin.

Neville popped up with Peter-puppet, and said, "Well, I'm Peter. I used to be a really awesome guy, but goodness doesn't pay the bills, so I guess I'll join the Dark Lord."

"Sauron?" asked Memory. Monikka stared at her.

"What?" she asked.

"Huh? Oh, never mind." Memory said, blushing. (a/n: sorry, Memory! I do like you, you know!)

"And so now I'm bringing about the deaths of two of my best friends!" Then Neville left Peter drop, and Lily, James and Voldemort were all that remained.

Ginny had Voldemort scamper around, chasing James-puppet, while Harry was getting very angry about being the only one onstage with a sock puppet.

Ginny shouted, "Avada Ked-ah, I can't remember how the rest of it goes."

"Oh, well," said Harry with a sigh, "I know what you mean."

Harry pulled off his sock puppet, and crawled out.

Ginny had Voldemort scuttle around, chasing Lily-marionette, and Luna was having a lot more fun than Harry was.

"Woohoo!" she cried. Finally, they stopped and Voldemort faced Lily. "I'm gonna kill your son now," Ginny said, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, right, dream on," Luna giggled.

"Oh, yeah, well, if I have to kill you first, then so be it! Avada Ked-eh, what's that last bit again?"

"-Avra."

"Right, that. What you said." Luna let go of her marionette so that it fell on top of something.

"Hey!" cried Neville. "That was my head."

"Oops," Luna said.

Ginny was probably smiling like a lunatic. "Voldemort was torn from his body and he became even MORE of a pathetic excuse for a man than before!"

As Ron was crawling back under for his part with Sirius, Ginny dropped the marionette on something.

"Ow!" yelled Ron, and he swore loudly. "That was my head!"

"Crybaby," muttered Ginny.

"So, anyway," Ron went on, his Sirius puppet up, "Sirius here goes and tracks down Peter, and then, through some mishap, gets framed, and then, well...Ginny, torture the Longbottoms so we can be done!"

Ginny sounded irritated when she replied, "Then get Sirius the hell out of Bella's way!"

Luna dropped down Alice-marionette, and Ginny dropped down Bellatrix-marionette, and Neville popped up with Frank-puppet.

"Tell me where Voldemort is, or I'll torture you!"

"If I said Albania, would you believe me?" asked Neville.

"No!"

"Then I'm not saying anything!" retorted Luna.

"Fine then! Go insane!" Ginny cried.

Alice and frank turned to one another.

"Wow, she's lame," commented Luna.

They put their puppets away.

Then Ron popped up with Sirius. Bellatrix shoved him and then Ginny started to work on her evil laugh.

"Muahahahahahahahahahha!!!"

"Nice one, Gin," shouted Tonks.

"Thanks!"

Bellatrix kept laughing when all of a sudden; a hex from someone's wand began spitting tomatoes at the marionette.

"The hell?" pondered Ginny.

"Well, I wanted to play someone!" shouted Hermione from backstage.

"But who did you play?" inquired Draco.

"Hey, guys, can all of out characters bow and get it over with?"

It was Ron. Him and all the others had to crawl back in to have their characters bow.

Everyone bowed. And then the scenery fell. On top of everyone. Only Hermione was left standing.

"Who were you, anyway?" Tonks asked.

Hermione smiled perceptively. "Enraged fangirls, of course," she replied.

"ER, hello, guys?" came a voice from under the wood. It sounded like Draco. "We're, er, kind of trapped on the floor."

"Fine with me," came Atrus's voice, and he and Luna started snogging again.

_Hope everyone's happy.....that's the second chapter I've written today, and I have a massive headache from staring at the screen. Can't wait till I write the next one, though- don't forget to keep guessing. Haha, Atrus of Ravenclaw has guessed already, when will you all guess?_


	6. Harry discovers the joys of fanfiction

_Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, would the word 'disclaimer' be here? As if!_

_Thanks to my loyal reviewed:_

_Monikka: hey again! Could you pass me the soap and mops from inside that lil closet, please? I've got to ... never mind, chapter spoiler! Michelle and Gracie are in luck! You're the only person who thought of Neville!_

_Silver Dragon Princess: I'll try to get you in there- although for Harry you may have to be a groupie, I don't know..._

_Lemming of the B.D.A.:I'm gonna say Gryffindor, since you sound as though you like that one more. And which twin would you prefer? (Though you can have them both for the time being!)_

_Atrus: You're one of my loyal guys! You sound too ambitious to be a Ravenclaw- are you sure you're not a Slytherin? Anyway, Kael Tier is a character from an RPG and I'm not in love with him in that manner! But he's charismatic- and a bit funny. He's just hysterical; he makes me laugh, as do you. (but he's a Hufflepuff. He befriended my Ravenclaw character.) He convinced her that he was bi. (as a joke)_

_Swordsrock: You are a loyal reviewer, too. And I do not have Remus whipped! What house are you in, BTW? And thanks, but I'm not sure if brilliant's the word..more like psychotic. I'm not brilliant._

_Angela: You want to be the lead groupie? Jk. It's okay about the language. I was cussing at Lupin, remember?_

_Charm12: how about I give you a chapter for snogging in "random", then you can have James, the one and only. So you say Ravenclaw? What's your house?_

_Ptrst: I'm not offended at all. I love Tom, remember? Lol. Harry's got his fangirls now!_

_Harryptaxd204: I'm glad you liked it!_

_Mainly because I'm out of ideas (like I said, I hadn't planned to continue this), I'm writing your friggin' sporks chapter! Happy now? For some reason, I let you people direct me! I really am insane!_

_SlytherinRulesDracoIsMyGu: yes, it's going to keep on being random. Once I get an idea. Maybe._

_Jasmine: I'll try, but that Draco thing may be hard, don't get offended. Draco rox the broom closet with Monikka, remember? ( :_

_Sakotumii: I am, yes, very crazy. Very._

_And that took almost an entire friggin' page. You guys are awesome... _

It took everyone a while to clear up all the debris, but that was mainly because Snape was-er, allergic to the wood. That's just his way of saying, "let them struggle, see if I care." I could call him something nasty, but I won't.

Later on everyone went and sat around in the living room, where the chaos that is this tale first began. There came a knock on the door, and Remus said, "Severus, will you answer that?"

"You're kidding, right? Me, answer the door?"

"Severus...."

"It's probably your girlfriend anyway."

"She always Apparates in, remember?" Remus frowned. There was a slight pause. Then he added quickly, "And she isn't my girlfriend."

"I'm sure."

The knocking stopped and there was a POP! as I decided to Apparate into the room instead. Remus rolled his eyes and looked to the ceiling as though pleading for god to strike him down.

"Whatsamatter, Remus?" I asked jovially.

"Well, let me see, first you screw around with my memories, then you post up something very personal," he gritted his teeth. "What do you expect me to do?"

Harry perked up. "She posted something personal?"

"Yeah, she did."

"Online? That means that anyone could read it?" Draco confirmed.

"Yes," Remus continued, now looking curious. "Why?"

"No reason," Harry said, now smirking. "Hey, guys, we have to, er, clean up our room."

"We do?" asked Ron, puzzled. Harry made that face that showed Ron that Harry's talking about something other than cleaning.

"Oh," Ron said significantly, "Clean our room." He winked at Harry. Harry Ron and Draco all ran upstairs to, ahem, clean.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "They must think they're really clever."

Ginny scoffed. "Boys," she muttered.

"Yeah, I guess," shrugged Luna. "Good thing Atrus isn't like that. When he's up to something, he can actually keep it a secret."

"Good for him. Is he ever up to something?" asked Neville.

Luna stared at her blandly. "If I knew that, then he wouldn't be very good at keeping it a secret, now, would he?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay, got me there."

"Hey!" I shouted. "Doesn't anyone want to know what I'm here for?"

"Why don't you just tell us?" said Remus weakly. I guess I wear down on his nerves, huh?

"Well, what are you here for?"

I winked slyly. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

I jump into a tirade about something really crazy, thinking that if I run out of ideas, I can always use this conversation as a chapter. Since you're the readers, I can tell you a secret: Unlike Harry, Ron and Draco, I can keep what I'm up to a secret. And I'm up to something, all right. I'm making a diversion so that Harry & Co. can do what they're doing in private....

"What's the address again?" asked Harry. Ron looked it up.

"Why do you get to type again, Potter?" Draco sneered.

"Because you've never touched a computer in your life," laughed Harry. "You can't type, and neither can Ron."

"Found it!" cried Ron. "W-W-W-dot-fanfiction-dot-net."

Harry typed that in the address bar. They were on Hermione's laptop, which she used to check her email, and ran with magic as opposed to electricity.

"Okay," Harry said, "we're in." Ron gave Draco the thumbs up.

"You know, this isn't really a covert operation or anything." Harry said, staring at them.

"We're doing it on a stolen computer," mentioned Draco.

"Well, yeah, that's true..."

"Click search, Harry," suggested Ron.

"Okay," Harry did. Then he typed in "Sincerity Inkwell" under pen name.

Three answers came up:

Sincerity (2)

Inkwells (3)

Sincerity Inkwell (6)

(a/n: I actually am doing this on a separate window so that this story is accurate!)

Harry clicked on "Sincerity". She had two stories, both of them about "Escalflowne".

"The hell....?" Harry yelped, and clicked back. Then he clicked on "Inkwells".

All of that person's stuff was about "Charmed".

Harry shook his head and clicked "Sincerity Inkwell".

Five stories were about Harry Potter. One was about Artemis Fowl.

"Aw, I hate Artemis!" whined Draco. "I'm more evil than he is, but is there a series about me? No, I'm just some pawn in the Harry Potter series!"

"Shut up and stop whining," scoffed Ron. "I'm not moaning."

"Oh, this sounds promising," said Harry, "guys, listen to this!"

They rushed towards Harry.

"Check out this, Random, Indeed."

"Why? I wanted to read the romance about me and Hermione," wailed Draco. The other two stared at him.

"Maybe I should leave," he mumbled, and slowly backed out of the room."

"Well, do you want to find out what Sincerity did that was so terrible?" Harry asked, amused.

Ron nodded, grinning. They began to read Random.

(a/n: If you haven't read that story, go read it! I myself think it's brilliant! Especially when compared to this one- it's serious, but still funny! I love it!)

Meanwhile.....

"You are overreacting!" I spluttered. "It wasn't that bad, you're making a big deal out of things!"

"I'm not overreacting!" Remus yelped. "That was so humiliating...and James, Sirius and Peter saw it all!"

"Well, it couldn't have been any worse than the other times I met you," I sulked. "We were more experienced kissers at this point."

"Stop talking about that!" he insisted. Atrus and Luna had looked up, and Luna wiped some spit off her lips to stare goggle-eyed at Remus, whose ears were pinkening.

"You know, it's really fun to listen to you talk about all the times you went back in time to snog Lupin, but I'm getting bored listening." Snape drawled.

"You mean, you're getting jealous," I pouted. "Just because nobody ever wanted to snog you."

"I've snogged plenty of girls, Ms. Inkwell, but-"

"Yeah, right. Who'd want to snog you?" I teased.

Draco suddenly came running down the stairs. "You guys," he panted, "Harry and Ron are looking up your fanfiction and they're reading Random!"

Lupin looked o embarrassed, but Ginny giggled, and Luna, Atrus, Neville and Hermione looked like it was no big deal.

"We read it last night," said Hermione with a shrug. "Sirius was a git, by the way."

"Yeah, really, if one of my friends snuck up on me..." Atrus shuddered.

"Why would anyone need to sneak up on you?" asked Ginny, exasperated. "You and Luna never go anywhere private!"

"Yes, we do," huffed Luna. "Just not all the time."

Ginny rolled her eyes.

Snape stood. "Well, I'm going to insist that the two get off that site immediately," he said and headed towards the staircase. "They might read something rated R."

Moments later Snape was leading Ron and Harry down the stairs, both looking slightly disappointed- but also triumphant. Draco caught on to it immediately.

"What did you two do?" he demanded.

"Nothing," said Harry, sniggering.

"What?" asked Hermione suspiciously.

They both struggled to contain themselves.

"HA!" cried Ron.

"Since Draco had to snitch, and Snape had to ruin it, we decided to get our revenge!" said Harry gloriously. "Snape and Draco slash! It should be up on Sincerity's stuff soon!"

All the colour drained from Draco's face. Snape's eyes bulged a little as they both figured out what that meant.

"You know?" continued Ron with glee. "FOURTEEN people have her on author alert! Fourteen! This is hysterical!!! I can't wait to see what they'll think of this when it comes out!"

They both collapsed, laughing.

Draco and Snape turned on me.

"Why?" complained Draco.

I shrugged apologetically. "Well, Draco, I like you, and Monikka likes you, but swordsrock thought it would be a good idea to actually write the slash. But as Harry and Ron wrote it, it's not going to be very good- or graphic- slash."

Draco still looked sullen, but can you blame him?

"Anyway," I continued, "I have to go."

"Wait!" Ginny said. "Will you ever post more for 'Random, indeed'?"

I grinned. "If enough people like it, maybe," and then I was POP! gone, to upload Harry and Ron's slash story.

Wow, that sounded wrong. I mean, Draco and Snape's slash story that Harry and Ron wrote.

_Stay tuned in for the next few chapters! We will have one for sporks, and then there will be a whole lotta snogging, Harry especially, what with those fanfiction groupies, eh? And to the girls who are furious with me concerning Lupin and "Random, Indeed", maybe I'll have a group of rabid Remus fangirls chase him down. And perhaps we should have a "The many deaths of Bellatrix Lestrange" for my Sirius lovers out there. But that's only a few ideas! I just need basic chapter themes. Send 'em in, people!_


	7. the boredom chapter

Disclaimer: I own BTT!! Just not what it's based on!! And I own sincerity inkwell, myself, in the story!!

_A/n: to all those who reviewed...especially Atrus, who is crazy...thank you._

_Now I shall get more nicer. _

_Pippinfan25: you are rabid. End of story. But, oh well, I like you anyway._

_Princessjulie: Would you prefer to be in a marauder's era tale or this tale? _

_Bda lem: george, huh? 'k, well, I'll try it._

_Theinkoflife: would you like to be in a marauder's era tale with princess Julie? _

_Charm12: you're gonna DEF be in the marauder's fic when it's written._

_Monikka: I'm so smart, go me. : )_

_AllAroundGold: yo!! I'll try to fit her in, but you see, my reviewers must come first._

_Silver Dragon Princess: would fred be okay? George is a little taken._

_Atrus: You are a bloody PSYCHO. Once I get all the random snogging out of the way, sporks are next, never fear, my dear Ravenclaw. And of course I think you're charming and charismatic! Practically no one else makes me laugh so hard on this computer that people turn around and stare and ask if I'm on pot. : )!!!!_

_Read on, dear reader, for I shall now continue...._

Draco was sitting on the couch reading a potions book. Snape was sitting in a chair, looking at the clock. Hermione was reading over Draco's shoulder, and Lupin was sitting on the other side of Hermione, staring at the clock as well, absolutely bored as can be. Atrus and Luna walked into the room.

"Hey, guys," Luna said brightly.

A few people made sounds to acknowledge her and Atrus's existence-es. Well, they sort of share an existence, in this story, anyway.

"What's wrong?" Atrus asked.

Hermione looked up from Draco's book. "We're bored? Aren't you bored?"

Atrus and Luna grinned at eachother. "We're never bored. We have eachother."

"Wow, what a cliché that was," Draco scoffed form his book.

Ginny drifted into the room and looked at the clock.

"Hey," she protested, seeing the time. "Sincerity's late."

"I know," said Lupin with a sigh. Then he frowned slightly. "I should be really happy, but instead I'm feeling kind of disappointed. As though I want her to be here, and I'm sad and miserable and angry that she isn't."

Snape smirked. "Maybe you're in love."

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Or maybe I'm just ad that she's making us sit here, bored."

"Or maybe you're in love."

Lupin snorted. "We snogged once in my childhood. That's it."

Snape laughed unctuously. "You two had way more than one private moment."

Ginny and Hermione both goggled at Lupin, twin smiles forming. He looked very embarrassed.

"It wasn't way more," he insisted, "but it wasn't just once."

Ginny started to laugh.

"Oh, shut up, Weasely," Draco groaned. "I'm trying to finish this book before-"

Harry and Ron walked into the room.

Hermione and Draco both glared at them. The pair had a lot of glee, it seemed, and they could not contain it. So all of that glee was evident on their faces. Now, glee is usually very nice to have, but when you're having it at someone else' expense, it's not so great.

"Hey, Draco," said Harry lightly, slinking into the room. "Nice book."

"Shut your mouth, Potter,' Draco snarled.

"Is that for your next detention?" asked Ron with a sneer.

"Shut up," Weasely," Draco said quietly.

"Hey, Hermione, what are you doing when Draco's got dete-"

Hermione was furious with the pair of them, and before Ron finished that statement, she pulled out her wand and poked the bridge of his nose with her wand point.

"Shut up," she said, breathing heavily. Harry gently pushed her wand down.

"Calm down, Hermione," he aid slowly. "It was all just a joke."

"It's on the bleedin' Internet!" she shrieked. "Ron doesn't get it, but you know full well how many muggles have Internet! It's like their life!!"

"Yeah, well, sorry," Harry yelled. Hermione sat down, sullen.

Everyone else sat down, too, and looked at the clock.

"Where the hell is Sincerity Inkwell!?" shouted Ron after five minutes of staring.

"That reminds me of 'Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?'", said Hermione.

"Should we name the chapter that?" asked Snape sarcastically.

"This is getting boring," said Lupin with a snort. "Even I miss her. Where is she?"

"Probably off reading some weird fanfiction," said Draco disgustedly. "I hope she's removing Drama in the Dungeons. That was disgusting."

"I know," agreed Ron with an evil chuckle. "You know, Harry and I considered putting it in the Horror genre."

"Good for you," muttered Draco.

"Hey, at least it wasn't graphic,' said Harry. "I'm getting fed up with all of your whining."

"Yeah?" asked Draco, temper rising.

"Yeah!"

"Okay, shut up, or go somewhere else." Atrus interrupted.

"Yes, you're bothering me and Atrus." Luna added, looking a bit ruffled, although she always looks a bit ruffled.

"I wish she'd do that snogging chapter," voiced Harry wistfully.

"That reminds me," said Atrus.

"Broom closet or back porch?" asked Luna.

"Er.......back porch," decided Atrus. They left.

"Well, I'm awfully bored," said Lupin again.

Snape smirked again. Lupin noticed.

"Severus..." he began, warningly. There was a POP! as someone Apparated into the story.

"Oh, thank god...." Ginny began, but then groaned. It was just Neville.

"Hey, guys?" he asked nervously.

"Yes?" asked everyone at once, all impatient.

"I'm going home now," he mentioned.

"Okay," came the simultaneous speaking. Neville popped on out.

Harry sighed. "Hey Hermione, can Ron and I go read the reviews?"

"Sure," Hermione shrugged indifferently. Harry and Ron left, leaving Draco, Remus, Ginny, Snape, and Hermione in the room, all very restless.

"Oh, I can't wait until she gets here...then we can start the chapter!" Snape yelled.

Words suddenly appeared on the wall. They read them eagerly.

_"Sorry, guys...this chapter's been cancelled. I'll talk to you later. Remus- check your pensive, I think I left a note...somewhere....gah, whatever. Just- expect new memories. wink, wink_

_Au revoir! Sincerity_

Lupin slapped his head. "I need to find a girlfriend so she'll leave me alone,' he muttered, walking out of the room.

_I ran out of ideas, they're just bored. I've got a few chapter ideas, veto some and ADD some, people! 1.) sporks. How the hell do I do that?! Grr...Atrus, you're fing dead. 2.) snogging. Much easier. I know who's snogging who...to a point. 3.) I also have to do more stuff on the supporting stories, you know...ah well._


	8. Sincerely, the pronoun once called Since...

_Disclaimer: Harry Potter & Co. isn't mine, and surprisingly enough, I'm all right with that. So why am I crying?! ::cries:: Maybe it's because I just stapled myself…yeah, that could have something to do with it…or maybe it's because Dracula isn't mine yet? Why isn't he mine yet?! ::sobs::_

_A/n: Well, this was originally chapter ten, since I've begun to plan out chapters 8 and 9, but I've decided that since I've added so many new things to this, I'm going to put it here instead of chapter 8…well, it goes like this- I'm obviously in this chapter, and I have to be in next chapter, but after that all goes like first chapter, with the random (duh!) intrusions of yours truly every so often, but nothing out of hand._

_As most noticed, Gryffindor is with ten points, Slytherin with 15. I'm a Slytherin. I posted it ages ago…but I'm a Hogwarts drop-out, I live in Transylvania, and none of you visit me. _

There was a girl in a black sweater and a pair of jeans digging in the Dark Space, aka, the space between her piles of boxes and the wall, for a few sheets of paper, because on those sheets of paper were listed the ideas she'd written down absolutely ages ago for her fanfiction, back when her hair had been an inch below her friggin' ears. She'd written it before she'd watched the movie _Van Helsing_ and fallen in love with Dracula- only to have him die on- what was in the movie, anyway- her birthday, two days before- what was in the real world- her birthday. She lay stretched across a box, arm out reaching. With a cry, she lost her balance and fell forward, her torso lodging itself in the Dark Space. Her legs kicked around for a while before she finally emerged- waving a few papers in her hands in triumph, and her black lipstick smeared halfway across her face.

She walked out, luckily going past her mirror and rectifying the situation concerning her cosmetics, and sat at the computer, waiting for it to dial up while she listened to a song in Russian that always made her reaaally hyper.

She knew what needed to be done- BTT had to be renamed. She couldn't even remember what it was really called, until she went to her site and found out. And then she couldn't remember why she'd called it that. Well, she had to rename it. And as she'd learned from her many, many Role Playing Groups- from Harry Potter to Van Helsing- the best way to make any significant changes is to conduct a poll. Besides, Remus would kill her if she did something that major without consulting him and the others. Mostly him. Only him. Forget everybody else.

She sighed, and logged in, wondering why she was referring to herself in the third person and without a name. The first was simple. She never used first person in BTT. The second was simple, yet puzzling. She had changed her name. Well, so she couldn't call herself Sincerity anymore. But she hadn't changed her name to a name. She had changed it to a pen name, an alias. A frown crossed her face.

"Well, fine, then," she said angrily. "As it is, I'll just go by the Widow till I think of something better!"

With that in mind, she snapped her fingers and Apparated into…er, not Malfoy Manor.

"Sorry!" she said, looking around at the traumatized people. She'd somehow gotten into a church- during a funeral, no less.

"Er….who died?" she inquired, peering around.

"My husband," said a woman in black.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," she said, tears coming into her eyes. "I lost my own husband recently! That's why I'm a widow!"

The woman and her cried a bit, then she Apparated again, muttering, "I really should renew my license…I don't know what I'm doing anymore!"

"Voila!" she cried, upon entering the Mansion, throwing her arms into the air with a flapper girl smile on her face. Remus Lupin and Ginny Weasley looked up from their card game, and Hermione looked up from reading. Draco, Harry and Ron emerged from another room, and Severus Snape stared at her.

"What?" she asked, folding her arms, annoyed.

"Who the hell are you?!" Remus asked, looking shocked. Severus withdrew his wand silently, a dark look on his face. The girl's mouth dropped open.

"You mean you don't recognize me? And Remus, stop your damn cussing."

Hermione and Ginny, the girls, were the first ones to notise, obviously. Hermione smiled warmly, and Ginny ran up to hug her.

"It's you!" Ginny said. "Sincerity! You left us for a long time."

"So long, in fact, that she's not Sincerity," Hermione added, putting the book away. "What are we supposed to call you, anyway?"

The girl shrugged. "I'm not sure," she admitted. "I wondered myself."

"What's your new name?" asked Ron, frowning in confusion.

"The Widow Dracula," she replied promptly. The group exploded in laughter, from Draco and Severus' snickers, to Ron's sniggers, to Harry's chuckles, and other things. The girl refolded her arms.

"Stop laughing," she commanded. It didn't work much.

"Stop!" she demanded, yelling. Still nothing.

"Stop?" she pleaded.

Remus notised she was genuinely distressed. "Well, I'm sorry," he said, sobering slightly- ever, ever slightly. "But it's so funny!"

"That's nice," she huffed. "And it's not what I'm here for. The title to this story is horrible and I want to rename it, and you're all going to help me."

"Do we have to?" whined Draco and Ron in unison.

She fixed them with a glare.

"I'm not scared of you," Draco muttered sullenly, but he quieted anyway.

"What do you suggest we call it?" asked Ginny, while Hermione pulled out a sheet of paper to take notes.

"Well, I'm not sure about that either."

"You're some author," Draco said loudly. She glared at him again. He sulked around a bit, then said, "Why don't we call it, 'Slytherins Rock', since you're one too?"

Harry and Ron turned to look at him with looks of equal indignation and he went back to sulking.

"Why don't you call it, 'Playing Pretend'? Channeling is sort of like that," Ginny piped up during the silence that followed.

"Or 'Center Stage'! We're almost acting," Ron added quickly. Severus Snape looked at him intensely and he averted his eyes.

" 'Sincerely, Sincerity'." Hermione said with a look of pride on her face. "I think it's a clever play on words if I do say so myself."

"You do say so yourself," Ron reminded her.

"Or something like it," Harry said with a frown. "I don't know, does the name really have to change?"

"Yes," she said firmly. "And I'm not Sincerity, Hermione," she said apologetically as Hermione looked a bit deflated.

"Okay, okay," Remus said, shaking his head. "Why don't you have your reviewers rename it?"

She shrugged. "Okay, fine. And…" a light lit up in her eyes, as she paced the room. "Twenty points to the House of the one who comes up with a good name!"

"And twenty to the House of the one who comes up with a good name for you, too," Ginny added. "I am not calling you by a pronoun all the time, it is too confusing."

She cowered. "Okay, fine," she said, sighing. "Oh, did you guys like 'My Best Friend's Boyfriend.'?"

"Loved it!" Harry and Ron said immediately. "Can we write more slash?"

"Hey!" Draco cried, upset. "That's not fair, you brownnosers!"

Harry and Ron smirked and whispered to each other.

"No," she said firmly. "Okay, so this was the most not-related to Random chapter ever, and yet it was the most Random. And it wasn't humorous!" She sat down and pouted.

"And Drac's still dead!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I liked Sincerity Inkwell better than The Widow Dracula. Maybe if you had been The Widowed Countess, I'd like it better, but…" she trailed away at the look on her face.

"Never mind," she added quickly.

She sighed and stood.

"Well, that ends this chapter. Next chapter is full of you guys snogging reviewers-" Draco, Harry and Ron perked up and Hermione and Ginny looked disgusted- "and the chapter after that is….a secret. But it's a really, really good idea, so everyone stay tuned!"

She waved and Disapparated. They heard a POP!, then another in a closet beside them. Then they heard coats falling off their hangers and a loud "Damn! I've got to practise!" and another POP!

"I guess that ends the worst chapter since the time she cancelled," said Harry, disappointed. "Oh, well….let's write more slash."

Ron and Harry went upstairs and Draco ran after them, shouting hexes.

"I miss the good old days," sniffed Ginny. "When we could, you know, call her Sincerity."

"Well, look at the bright side, we still have reader input," Hermione said pleasantly.

"Reader input brought us 'Drama in the Dungeons'," Ginny reminded her.

The pair frowned.

**If you want to get points for your house, and help me out-- ::puppy eyes::-- please add, in your review, even if you're flaming it, what you think we should call the story, either something mentioned here or your own idea, and something that they can call me. Please?! I missed you guys, though…next up is definitely coming! And a hint for the holidays? Harry and Ron sneak into Hermione's computer agaaain…although I'm not sure who their victims shall be…::smirks::**


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